As I write this I am sitting in my local pub, drinking a large glass of red by myself. Not what you’d expect a self-love guru to announce but that maybe because you have a belief about what I’m supposed to be doing? Maybe I should be meditating or doing yoga? Maybe I should be drinking turmeric latte and chanting? Whatever it is you believe, it’s just a belief that has been created by reading, watching or listening to the hype. In reality, I’m just doing the next best feeling thing I wanted to do rather than stay indoors after a full blown argument with my partner. Yes, I am not perfect, my situation is not perfect, but at the same time I believe that everything is exactly as it’s supposed to be.
Believe it or not, I am weirdly grateful for the challenges being in a relationship presents. I am having to see myself fully, not just the illusion that my public persona presents to the world, not just the person I wish I was. Relationships are something I have unwittingly avoided for most of my life. I never once thought to myself, “I’m going to stay somewhere between success and fail as I will feel safer there.” I never decided consciously that if I make sure I sabotage myself when I’ve got something amazing I won’t be resented and if I only go as far as I can without falling down I won’t feel humiliation. So what I’m about to tell you is the truth…
From a distant observer's point of view, I’ve lived one of two illusions and believe me when I say, it’s not been deliberate; I'm a happy, smiley positive Pollyanna person that always finds something to be glad about, always excelling in whatever I do. I’m kind, helping people to change their lives, I have lots of friends, lots of life experience, lots of gifts and a free spirited lover of life? Or if you have a closer perspective you may feel it’s a shame because it always ends up with a little disaster or two that makes those that were envious feel sorry for me instead?
Well, that’s what my unconscious mind does for me, it protects me from failing and it protects me from succeeding. Brilliant! I call my unconscious mind Alyce, after a character in a British comedy called ‘The Vicar of Dibley’. She is adorable, naive and always helping the vicar to the best of her ability to avoid a situation and always making an absolute f**k up of it in the process! She doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined and just believes whatever she hears and acts accordingly. So whatever I have attempted in life, she believes what she thought was real before I was 7 years old to be true and makes sure no matter how much older and wiser I get consciously that my 7 year old self was right and I must be protected. And that’s how our unconscious beliefs work.
Lucky for me I have an absolute fascination of my own mind and how it works. I have been studying the human mind for years without ever getting bored. I realise as I embark on my 50th year of this equally beautiful and painful journey that I am here to heal lifetimes of thoughts. Not just my own thoughts but the collective consciousness. As hard as it is to face the judgement of others when I release this story, I absolutely know that there are many of you out there feeling the same and wanting to make a difference before you leave. I am committed to discovering myself as I know for sure now that I am you and you are me. We are all connected whatever you think you believe to be true.
I am currently the best part of the way into the ultimate deep healing of my belief system. A lot of what I have just told you is past not present. I feel excited as I embark into the deepest part of the ocean that is our collective thought, as let’s face it, we only believe what we believe based on what we have learnt and how we have received it, so it’s not really mine at all. As I heal myself I realise I am healing you too. Can you imagine what will happen if we all begin to heal ourselves? I can.
If this has resonated with your soul in any way I’d love to hear from you. Let’s see what we can manifest together!
If not I wish peace for you, regardless.