Beautifully Broken

On Sunday we were visiting family near Richmond-on-Thames for our nephew’s 3rd birthday, and I happened to be inside his brand new treehouse, when a beautiful Red Admiral butterfly flew inside past little James’s head and landed on the windowsill. It hung out with us for a good long while before taking off again, a magical moment for us both!

Just two days later, after spending a wonderfully uplifting morning at a ‘Winning Women’ meetup, I came home and went into my garden to pick some homegrown tomatoes for dinner. Within a few minutes of being outside I saw a Red Admiral butterfly land on one of our garden chairs, this time however I noticed that his delicate wings were quite broken and he had clearly been attacked by something. After a little research I reluctantly realised that although there were some amazing stories of people who managed to make fake wings and invented ways to keep them alive, all I could realistically do was provide some sugar nectar in a little dish and let nature be. 

Some of you may remember my story about the baby hare we took to the wildlife hospital earlier this year and how that taught us that sometimes you have to love something enough to let it go no matter how vulnerable and adorable it is. This occurrence had me reflecting back to our conversations this morning at the meetup. So many stories of how we have all at some point in our lives, had to reach the point of broken before we could give ourselves permission to be and do what nature intended for us. So many beautiful souls that have suffered all kinds of trauma in one way or the other, connecting hearts through shared empathy. As women it is our nature to want to nurture, to offer advice, to fix each other’s broken wings. But in actuality we can offer support, we can make hot sweet tea and hug each other but we can’t mend wings, we’re not meant to. 

It seems so unfair that we have to be wounded before we remember who we really are, that we may have to reach rock bottom before we see the light. I wonder if butterflies think the same or do they just accept that it is all just part of nature, as are we? I’m pretty sure we are tired of hearing that it makes you stronger, that it helps you make life changing decisions that you may never have made. As I have written before, my own stories of implosion have ultimately been a gift wrapped in sandpaper. Is this true for the butterfly? Is this not just the cycle or life? Can we learn to realise that our fear of pain and death is what prevents us from spreading our wings and flying? If we knew that whatever we chose to come here for was essential to the ecosystem of the entire universe would we accept what we have been led to believe? Does a bee get drunk on nectar because her life is not what she had imagined once?

 I’m not sure any of us really know, although there are many speaking out now about their near death experiences, that make me wonder why we humans spend so much time in imagined fear. Do other creatures in nature have stress and belief based fear issues or do they only need their fight or flight system when the threat is real? While writing this I had to go and break up a little cat fight that occurs regularly through the window pane of my bedroom, with a cat from down the road. Within a few minutes my cats are cosied up and purring again as if it never happened. In fact the only time I've really had to deal with my cats stress was because they were picking up on mine! 

Anyhow, whilst I ponder on our beautifully broken existence, I realise the strong need for true connection, with ourselves, with nature and with each other. If we nurture this,will we be able to trust in ourselves, life and each other more? If you think about how powerful we feel when we are together in a room supporting each other, imagine how empowered we could feel if we trusted that life is supporting us?

 So with all of that in mind I am intrigued and curious, excited and determined to give those of us who dare to seek, a space to find out. First up is our Women’s Day Retreat in Leigh-on-Sea on the 22nd of this month, with myself, Rosemary Cunningham and Delmeza Courageous McCallaghan. A day of relaxation, inspiration and transformation away from your normal world to open you to a new way of being. Then on the 27th I’ll be running my first official Self-Love Club Moon Circle, an evening of self-care for the soul at The Wellness Barn in Ingatestone. Every New Moon thousands of women are gathering in circle to connect, uplift and transform, unifying heart and intention. I’d love for you to join me to participate in this global wave of transformation with women in hundreds of cities around the world. 

You can find the links to book either/or both events by clicking the image or my Kellie Jones facebook page @spirituallifestyleguide  

Peace & Love,

Kellie xx

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